Should You Be Your Child's Friend or Parent? How Moms and Dads Cripple Their Kids When Turning Them Into Buddies

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Should You Be Your Child's Friend or Parent? How Moms and Dads Cripple Their Kids When Turning Them Into Buddies Empty Should You Be Your Child's Friend or Parent? How Moms and Dads Cripple Their Kids When Turning Them Into Buddies

Post by phildidge on Wed Aug 28, 2019 10:21 am

When Parents Were Parents and Kids Were Kids
When I was a kid growing up in the 1970's, my parents and those of my classmates never considered being their child's friend as many moms and dads do nowadays. That would be an absurd notion to them—an abdication of their role as heads of the household, moral leaders, and strict disciplinarians. They had grown up during the 1950's in traditional families where moms stayed at home, dads went to work, kids attended Sunday school, and everyone gathered to watch “Father Knows Best” on the black and white television set with rabbit ear antennas. Many of them were from large families where the kids got assigned household chores and were expected to be respectful of adult authority, especially that of parents, teachers, and religious figures. In those days, it was often said that “little children should be seen and not heard.” Boy, have times changed!

Baby Boomers Wanted to Be Friends With Their Kids, Not Authority Figures
When we became adults and parents, many of us from traditional homes veered away from the rigid family structure of our childhood. We wanted a different dynamic with our own kids—closer, less formal, and more relaxed. Some baby boomers like my sister and her husband chose a radical approach to parenting by becoming buddies with their kids, not authority figures. My sister's three kids were given a lot of autonomy and little structure with no set bed times, no chores, but endless extracurricular activities of their choosing. Today, we now see the results of this unique experiment as many young adults (often called “snowflakes”) are unprepared for the real world and seem destined to live in their parents' basements forever.

Children of Baby Boomers Wanted Their Moms and Dads to Parent, Not Be Their Buddies
Two of of my sister's three adult children now live at home—college graduates but with only part-time work. One is pursing her passion in theater and the other is chasing his dream in the culinary arts. In many conversations with my niece and nephew, I was surprised how they missed having traditional parents and a structured childhood with a solid daily routine. They look back on their growing up years as being chaotic: over-programmed with too many extracurricular activities and not enough time for healthy dinners together, homework in the evenings, walks around the neighborhood, and lazy days spent with grandparents and extended family. While they love their parents, they longed for a mom and dad who were there for them as wise and experienced leaders, not buddies.

Kids Crave Structure Because It Makes Them Feel Safe, Secure, and Loved
As I started my journey as a new mom (and keeping in mind what my niece and nephew shared), I decided to research what experts had to say about whether it's best to be a parent or a friend to our children. What I discovered, without a doubt, is that kids want and need their moms and dads to be role models and leaders. They want grownups in their lives who provide routine and structure, making them feel safe, secure, and loved. Kids know they'll have plenty of friends come and go throughout their lifetime but only one mom and one dad who will be there forever. Here's what I learned from experts, convincing me moms and dads should be parents and not friends:


https://wehavekids.com/parenting/10-Reasons-You-Should-Be-Your-Childs-Parent-Not-Her-Friend

Excellent article and more to read on the link

phildidge

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Should You Be Your Child's Friend or Parent? How Moms and Dads Cripple Their Kids When Turning Them Into Buddies Empty Re: Should You Be Your Child's Friend or Parent? How Moms and Dads Cripple Their Kids When Turning Them Into Buddies

Post by gelico on Wed Aug 28, 2019 12:21 pm



No, not until they're adult anyway



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Post by 'Wolfie on Wed Aug 28, 2019 12:25 pm

Smile

Parents who want to abdicate their parenting responsibilities, wanting instead to be seen as their child(ren)'s "best friends", inevitably end up producing spoilt, unsociable and dysfunctional little 'snowflake' brats...

Much like the parents..

I believe this modern day phenomenon has been recognised for a few years already among a certain minority of overindulgent parents, mainly in well off western countries ?

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Post by nicko on Wed Aug 28, 2019 1:50 pm

Can you not be a Friend and a Parent ?
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