If you were an agony aunt or uncle what answer would you give to a genuine problem?

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If you were an agony aunt or uncle what answer would you give to a genuine problem?

Post by Syl on Thu Mar 15, 2018 1:17 pm

This is a supposedly genuine letter written to a daily newspaper in todays advice column....what answer would you give?


"I’m a transgender woman who has just come out. Although I’m in my 50s, I intend going through the process of fully becoming a woman and, as you probably know, part of this process involves living full time as a woman.
With this in mind, I had to speak to my boss (I work as a checkout ­operator) and she said that she’d support me and would inform the other staff. Fine, I thought, and made arrangements to go into work as a woman.

However, on my first morning at work wearing a skirt and tights, my department manager demanded that I closed my till and took myself to the storeroom to work for the day.
I asked why and he said that the shopfloor area was “not for women like me”. I asked him to explain and he said that if I intended to continue wearing skirts and/or other female items, then I should be kept she be treated the same, to which he replied “no”, adding, “but then you’re not a real girl”.

I took this matter to my boss, who just said that she wouldn’t intervene in my department manager’s decision.
I fully intend going back to work in a skirt but I don’t know how to handle my department manager, especially as I need my job. Please help."

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Re: If you were an agony aunt or uncle what answer would you give to a genuine problem?

Post by magica on Thu Mar 15, 2018 2:08 pm

It's a hard one, not everyone is comfortable with tyrannies. They do look like men dressed up, until the transformation is complete.

Maybe he could do things off the till, then when he's operation is complete, move back to the tills.

He keeps his job, and all is happy.
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Re: If you were an agony aunt or uncle what answer would you give to a genuine problem?

Post by Vintage on Thu Mar 15, 2018 3:14 pm

Its illegal isn't it to discriminate? I would say though, unless the manager is totally intransigent, that the outward appearance could be changed gradually, wear slacks and a blouse with minimum make up to start, gradually moving to skirts in the future when fellow workers, customers and the questioner has had time to adust.
Our local supermarket has a lady floor manager that tends to turn heads because 'she' looks like a man wearing makeup and women's clothes, walks like a man and talks like a man, it's still a bit well startling, when she appears, especially for those who've never encountered her before.

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Re: If you were an agony aunt or uncle what answer would you give to a genuine problem?

Post by Raggamuffin on Thu Mar 15, 2018 6:52 pm

I didn't understand this sentence.

I asked why and he said that the shopfloor area was “not for women like me”. I asked him to explain and he said that if I intended to continue wearing skirts and/or other female items, then I should be kept she be treated the same, to which he replied “no”, adding, “but then you’re not a real girl”.

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Re: If you were an agony aunt or uncle what answer would you give to a genuine problem?

Post by Syl on Thu Mar 15, 2018 6:53 pm

magica wrote:It's a hard one, not everyone is comfortable with tyrannies. They do look like men dressed up, until the transformation is complete.

Maybe he could do things off the till, then when he's operation is complete, move back to the tills.

He keeps his job, and all is happy.

Most transgender women (at least the ones I have seen) still look like men even after the full transaction.
Obviously they feel like women well before they have had the surgery, so to push them into the back room like an embarrassment must be really hurtful.

As they don't qualify for full surgery until they have lived like a woman, including dressing and mixing into society for a certain length of time, it seems unfair to me that she cant carry on working the job she has always done.

If she is prepared to face the world showing her new identity, the world should be ready to embrace her, and after maybe the initial shock, I'm sure the majority of people would be OK with her.

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Re: If you were an agony aunt or uncle what answer would you give to a genuine problem?

Post by Syl on Thu Mar 15, 2018 6:58 pm

Vintage wrote:Its illegal isn't it to discriminate? I would say though, unless the manager is totally intransigent, that the outward appearance could be changed gradually, wear slacks and a blouse with minimum make up to start, gradually moving to skirts in the future when fellow workers, customers and the questioner has had time to adust.
Our local supermarket has a lady floor manager that tends to turn heads because 'she' looks like a man wearing makeup and women's clothes, walks like a man and talks like a man, it's still a bit well startling, when she appears, especially for those who've never encountered her before.

It is illegal Vintage.
"The Equality Act 2010 outlaws discrimination in employment on the grounds of gender reassignment."

No doubt if the woman went public rather than posting her dilemma to an advice column the firm would get a lot of bad publicity.

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Re: If you were an agony aunt or uncle what answer would you give to a genuine problem?

Post by Syl on Thu Mar 15, 2018 7:02 pm

Raggamuffin wrote:I didn't understand this sentence.

I asked why and he said that the shopfloor area was “not for women like me”. I asked him to explain and he said that if I intended to continue wearing skirts and/or other female items, then I should be kept she be treated the same, to which he replied “no”, adding, “but then you’re not a real girl”.


That was my very bad copying and pasting of the article....sorry, this was the full paragraph.

"I asked why and he said that the shopfloor area was “not for women like me”. I asked him to explain and he said that if I intended to continue wearing skirts and/or other female items, then I should be kept out of sight.
I asked him if one of the other girls in the store changed her way of dressing, would she be treated the same, to which he replied “no”, adding, “but then you’re not a real girl”.

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Re: If you were an agony aunt or uncle what answer would you give to a genuine problem?

Post by Raggamuffin on Thu Mar 15, 2018 7:09 pm

Thanks Syl! Laughing

I think it is discrimination and probably not legal these days.

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Re: If you were an agony aunt or uncle what answer would you give to a genuine problem?

Post by Syl on Thu Mar 15, 2018 7:35 pm

If anyone saw a recent TV series, 'Love Lies and records' written by Kay Mellor, there was a transgender character in that.
He announced that from the following week he would be coming to work dressed as a woman as he was starting on his transgender 'journey'.
His name was James but he would be called Jamie.

It was a really well thought out character, and one most people would have warmed to....as either a man or a woman.



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Re: If you were an agony aunt or uncle what answer would you give to a genuine problem?

Post by veya_victaous on Thu Mar 15, 2018 10:17 pm

the department manager should be removed from a management position immediately, given a formal warning and undergo anti discrimination training to keep his job.

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Re: If you were an agony aunt or uncle what answer would you give to a genuine problem?

Post by HoratioTarr on Fri Mar 16, 2018 10:05 am

Any action in the workplace that makes people feel victimised, bullied or harrassed should be stamped out.
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Re: If you were an agony aunt or uncle what answer would you give to a genuine problem?

Post by Syl on Fri Mar 16, 2018 12:38 pm

This was the reply given, good advice ....I think it says it all really.

"Your bosses are clearly ignorant of the company’s responsibilities because transgender and transsexual people are protected in the workplace by legislation.
The Equality Act 2010 outlaws discrimination in employment on the grounds of gender reassignment. So I would bring this up with your managers, your HR department and your union (if you have one).
As well as the impact discrimination and transphobia is having on your wellbeing in the workplace, it could also bring so much bad publicity for the company, which proves just how ignorant your managers are.
Your bosses should be informed and should put a plan in place to help ease the transition at work. They ought to be fighting your corner.

On an emotional level, of course it’s upsetting and disappointing to ­experience this attitude and feel unsupported and degraded.
Sadly, recent research from Acas showed employers still show little understanding of trans issues and another 2016 survey found 60% of trans employees experience transphobia in the workplace.
You sound strong and determined, so don’t let this throw you off course.

You can get more advice and support from the Beaumont Society (beaumontsociety.org.uk).
Good luck. "

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