the greatest regret of my life is not knowing Terry Ward

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the greatest regret of my life is not knowing Terry Ward

Post by veya_victaous on Wed Jan 31, 2018 2:55 am

The internet has a new hero, introduced via the hilarious obituary a daughter wrote for her father.

The whole thing is glorious. Bittersweet, yes. But glorious.

"Terry Wayne Ward, age 71, of DeMotte, IN, escaped this mortal realm on Tuesday, January 23rd, 2018, leaving behind 32 jars of Miracle Whip, 17 boxes of Hamburger Helper and multitudes of other random items that would prove helpful in the event of a zombie apocalypse."

There's so much to unpack, just in this opening line.

But the obituary, written by daughter Jean Lahm and posted on the website of the Geisen Funeral Home, keeps on giving.

Ward was a Vietnam veteran, but also gave "39 years of begrudging service" to AT&T (think: the American Telstra), "where he accumulated roughly 3,000 rolls of black electrical tape during the course of his career."

Ward refused to own his own mobile phone, however.

He also disliked hummus (among other "uppity foods").

"And he had zero working knowledge of the Kardashians."

The obituary also shouted out Lahm's mum, the "overly-patient" Kathy.

"[She] was the love of his life," Lahm noted. "A fact she gladly accepted sympathy for during their 48 years of marriage."

Ward left behind two kids (including Lahm), seven grandchildren, a brother and sister, and right at the end, a little bit of internet fame.

Because the internet (aka a bunch of total strangers) loves this obituary. And loves Ward.

"I think the greatest regret of my life is not knowing Terry Ward during his," one guy wrote on Twitter. "Because he sounds awesome."

"Terry Ward’s obituary is #goals for us all when we eventually 'escape this mortal realm,'" another added.

More great tributes for Ward are still pouring in.

Like this one: "RIP #TerryWard who I wish I had known to tell him that I'm pretty sure even Zombies don't like #MiracleWhip."

Maybe, just sometimes, death can be funny.

"With him as a father there was absolutely no other way to write this obituary," Lahm told The New York Post.

"He would have had it on his garage fridge."

http://www.msn.com/en-au/lifestyle/familyandrelationships/daughter-writes-funny-obituary-for-father-makes-him-internets-new-hero/ar-BBIrQ3e?ocid=ientp

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Re: the greatest regret of my life is not knowing Terry Ward

Post by nicko on Wed Jan 31, 2018 5:09 am

Brilliant !
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Re: the greatest regret of my life is not knowing Terry Ward

Post by veya_victaous on Wed Jan 31, 2018 5:13 am

I think so too.

One of my uncles had Monty Python's Always look on the bright side of life as his Funeral song, which everyone thought was fitting Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing

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Re: the greatest regret of my life is not knowing Terry Ward

Post by Cass on Wed Jan 31, 2018 2:54 pm

I read the whole thing Monday night. Laughed my ass off. Hoarding Miracle Whip, ABBA and “bean”dip”. His daughter did him proud.

Here’s the full version:

http://www.geisenfuneralhome.com/m/?p=memorial&id=2064544

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