EULOGY FOR AMERICA

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EULOGY FOR AMERICA

Post by Lurker on Tue Jul 18, 2017 6:03 pm

http://meganamram.tumblr.com/post/161106868939/eulogy-for-america




Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to say our goodbyes to our dear friend America, who died recently after a brief, intense battle with fascism and a long, slow battle with carbs. Thank you all for coming out to help say farewell. It’s not easy. But at least America died doing what it loved most: deep-frying Halloween candy while white men tried to explain to women what jazz is.

America was sick for a really long time. In the early stages, I think we were all in denial. You could tell that America was unwell—public displays of brutality, deeply internalized prejudice, “Entourage”—but it seemed curable. Just a case of plain old electile dysfunction. We thought that we’d caught the fascism early, but, as we now know, it had metastasized. America was more Florida than country by the end.

America was born right here, in America, and lived here its entire life. America was always about family. It is survived by its similarly ill father, Britain, and its large brood of children: baseball, Google, fireworks, losing your fingers to fireworks, giving your Uber driver only four stars because he talked to you, thinking granola is healthy, Chicago (the place), “Chicago” (the musical), “Chicago” (the movie adaptation of the musical), Chicago (the band), “Chicago Fire,” “Chicago Med,” “Chicago P.D.,” “Chicago Justice,” “Chicago ‘Chicago’ ” (a show about the Chicago production of the musical “Chicago,” coming to NBC this fall), and a bunch of wars.

I’d personally be nowhere without America. America was there when I was born, when I got married, when I saw Janet Jackson’s nipple at the Super Bowl. Remember that? After that happened, none of us slept for days, because we had never seen the pointy part of a boob on our TVs before, and it really upset us. America was really cool that way. It would always get mad when you’d see the pointy part of a boob on a TV. I’m gonna miss that.

However, we should not dwell on the loss of our dear country, friend, and place where all the Cheesecake Factories and Lids stores are. Today, let’s celebrate America’s life, and remember all of the remarkable things it accomplished and how many actors playing Spider-Man who keep getting cuter and younger were inside of it. America gave us so much. And, boy, did it look good for its age. America was two hundred and forty-one years old when it died, but it didn’t look a day over a hundred and sixty-four! It looked so young, it could’ve been the very same America that put its own citizens in internment camps!

America got a bunch of things really right. Mostly how to put food inside other food. Anyone can just eat a chicken. But in a duck?! In a turkey?! In a gun?! No one is going to forget the Turduckenun any time soon. America was so inventive that way. And, I mean, everyone does silly stuff when they’re young. America was beautiful, too. Sure, it was a little lumpy, and you could always see its Florida through its pants, but it just got hotter with age. So hot. It was so, so hot by the time it died. Almost too hot to live in.

If there’s anything we should take away from this tragedy, it’s that you should always check yourself for fascism, especially around your midsection. It’s easy enough to do in the shower. If you catch it early, it can be cleared up with a rigorous regimen of local elections and books and yoga. But America was cocky. Nothing bad had ever happened to it before! It assumed this fascism would pass, just like the Second World War and “Entourage” had.

What a shame. America was just the best damn country in the whole U.S.A. I’m sorry that I’m getting choked up. I get really emotional when I think of America, and also I took too big of a bite of Turduckenun and it got lodged in my windpipe. We will all miss America greatly. Every time I see an American flag or a gun, I’ll think of America. But we can all rest easy knowing America is in a better place now: Russia.


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Re: EULOGY FOR AMERICA

Post by eddie on Tue Jul 18, 2017 8:02 pm

Wow. That's should be circulated widely. It's very hard-hitting.

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Re: EULOGY FOR AMERICA

Post by nicko on Tue Jul 18, 2017 8:58 pm

YOU GIVE UP ON YOUR COUNTRY SO EASILY.
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Re: EULOGY FOR AMERICA

Post by eddie on Tue Jul 18, 2017 10:57 pm

nicko wrote:YOU GIVE UP ON YOUR COUNTRY SO EASILY.

How so?

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Re: EULOGY FOR AMERICA

Post by WhoseYourWolfie on Wed Jul 19, 2017 3:07 am



Welcome to the "Divided States of Amerika"...

How much longer before that long-gestating breakup starts ?  
'Bring it on !',  I say..

The USA could easily become 3 or 4 independent countries at some near future date --  it's only a matter of 'when', not 'if' --  no empire has lasted forever.

fiesta

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Re: EULOGY FOR AMERICA

Post by Original Quill on Wed Jul 19, 2017 4:16 am

eddie wrote:
nicko wrote:YOU GIVE UP ON YOUR COUNTRY SO EASILY.

How so?

It was born with a flaw...the division between a mercantile and industrial north, and a cash-cropping, slave-based south. Everything you know of that divides in the US--black/white, guns/no guns, pro-life/pro-choice, war/peace, healthcare/deathcare, rich man/poor man, etc.--goes along that dividing line.

A ship with a crack'd keel is bound for the bottom.

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Re: EULOGY FOR AMERICA

Post by veya_victaous on Wed Jul 19, 2017 5:03 am

I don't think this is the end of the USA, but it is the end of it's monopoly on global power.


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Re: EULOGY FOR AMERICA

Post by nicko on Wed Jul 19, 2017 5:31 am

Eddie, pride in ones country is some thing you know nothing about.

If your country is in the shit, instead of moaning about it and posting endless cartoons taking the piss, find a way to speak up for it !
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Re: EULOGY FOR AMERICA

Post by veya_victaous on Wed Jul 19, 2017 5:53 am

nicko wrote:Eddie,  pride in ones country is some thing you know nothing about.

If your country is in the shit, instead of moaning about it and posting endless cartoons taking the piss, find a way to speak up for it !

you don't have pride in your nation if you feel the need to lie and deceive yourself with delusions of it's adequacy.
that is merely loving propaganda but not loving your real country,
if you love it, you love it with it's flaws and all.

And if you can't admit it's failings, you can't work to improve them.
Literally what people like you have done to the UK to bring it to it's current state.

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Re: EULOGY FOR AMERICA

Post by nicko on Wed Jul 19, 2017 8:22 am

Sleep Sleep Sleep Sleep Sleep Sleep
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Re: EULOGY FOR AMERICA

Post by eddie on Wed Jul 19, 2017 10:08 am

nicko wrote:Eddie,  pride in ones country is some thing you know nothing about.

If your country is in the shit, instead of moaning about it and posting endless cartoons taking the piss, find a way to speak up for it !

Nicko I fail to see how I can be proud of something that happened to me by accident.
I didn't make the country or choose to live here - so please explain how I can be proud? I genuinely don't understand it. I'm not proud of our past (which I agree is not my generations doing) so what is there that I'm supposed to be proud of??

I don't hate this country. Notice I said "this" not "mine". I don't feel as though I have a country that belongs to me. Perhaps I haven't found my spiritual home.

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Re: EULOGY FOR AMERICA

Post by Guest on Wed Jul 19, 2017 10:19 am

eddie wrote:
nicko wrote:Eddie,  pride in ones country is some thing you know nothing about.

If your country is in the shit, instead of moaning about it and posting endless cartoons taking the piss, find a way to speak up for it !

Nicko I fail to see how I can be proud of something that happened to me by accident.
I didn't make the country or choose to live here - so please explain how I can be proud? I genuinely don't understand it. I'm not proud of our past (which I agree is not my generations doing) so what is there that I'm supposed to be proud of??

I don't hate this country. Notice I said "this" not "mine". I don't feel as though I have a country that belongs to me. Perhaps I haven't found my spiritual home.

You should be at least grateful for what this country has done for you. As you were born into a system, that provided you all the medical needs you required growing up. free of charge. Free schooling etc. Hence why there is nothing wrong in being proud of the nation you are from. Without this nation and the collectively help of the entire nation. You would not have had these things.
So you should be at least grateful for what this country has given you.

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Re: EULOGY FOR AMERICA

Post by eddie on Wed Jul 19, 2017 10:43 am

Grateful yes. Gratitude and pride are two different things.

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Re: EULOGY FOR AMERICA

Post by sassy on Wed Jul 19, 2017 2:01 pm

eddie wrote:
nicko wrote:Eddie,  pride in ones country is some thing you know nothing about.

If your country is in the shit, instead of moaning about it and posting endless cartoons taking the piss, find a way to speak up for it !

Nicko I fail to see how I can be proud of something that happened to me by accident.
I didn't make the country or choose to live here - so please explain how I can be proud? I genuinely don't understand it. I'm not proud of our past (which I agree is not my generations doing) so what is there that I'm supposed to be proud of??

I don't hate this country. Notice I said "this" not "mine". I don't feel as though I have a country that belongs to me. Perhaps I haven't found my spiritual home.


Have a green. I was born here, am I supposed to think it perfect because of that? My brother was born in Singapore, perhaps he should think Singapore perfect?

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Re: EULOGY FOR AMERICA

Post by nicko on Wed Jul 19, 2017 4:32 pm

I never said my country was "perfect" did I? I JUST SAID I WAS PROUD OF IT. Look at AMERICA, millions fly their countries flag out side their houses, they are proud to be Americans. Whats wrong with being proud to be British?
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Re: EULOGY FOR AMERICA

Post by eddie on Wed Jul 19, 2017 4:48 pm

nicko wrote:I never said my country was "perfect" did I?     I JUST SAID I WAS PROUD OF IT. Look at AMERICA,  millions fly their countries flag out side their houses, they are proud to be Americans.  Whats wrong with being proud to be British?

Flying a flag doesn't mean you're any prouder than the next guy. Do you have a flag?

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Re: EULOGY FOR AMERICA

Post by nicko on Wed Jul 19, 2017 7:18 pm

Yes, I have a flag, it covered the coffin of a great friend who was shot in the back by an IRA scumbag. His wife did not want it, she said it brought back too many memories.
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