First impressions.

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First impressions.

Post by Syl on Fri Feb 24, 2017 6:30 pm

So...do you tend to trust or mistrust people till you get to know them better?
Do you like everyone till they prove to you that they are not very nice, or dislike everyone till you get to know them and realise they are OK really?

I think most people fall into one or the other category.

I like everyone till I don't. Cool

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Re: First impressions.

Post by magica on Fri Feb 24, 2017 8:29 pm

If in real life I suss out people very quickly, and if I feel something I back away.  That's not often since I talk to everyone. Embarassed

On line I speak to peeps and for the most part I find them good. I only distrust those who have given me cause to. Most though are nice on the forums I'm on, here and another one, which you know Syl, which I love posting on and have done so for few years now.

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Re: First impressions.

Post by Tommy Monk on Fri Feb 24, 2017 8:42 pm

Syl wrote:So...do you tend to trust or mistrust people till you get to know them better?

Do you like everyone till they prove to you that they are not very nice, or dislike everyone till you get to know them and realise they are OK really?

I think most people fall into one or the other category.

I like everyone till I don't. Cool



Good thread Syl... and could produce some most interesting replies...!



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Re: First impressions.

Post by Ben Mothafuckin' Reilly on Fri Feb 24, 2017 9:45 pm

Syl wrote:So...do you tend to trust or mistrust people till you get to know them better?
Do you like everyone till they prove to you that they are not very nice, or dislike everyone till you get to know them and realise they are OK really?

I think most people fall into one or the other category.

I like everyone till I don't. Cool

I'm the same ... I respect everyone until they lose my respect and am friendly to them as long as they are to me.

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Re: First impressions.

Post by eddie on Sat Feb 25, 2017 12:31 am

I don't immediately like everyone because some people are just cnuts from the moment you meet them and even when you tell yourself that you're wrong and you've been harsh, once you allow them in and give them a chance they still end up being cnuts.

Most people have something good in them, despite their political leanings or whatever.

But a cnut is still a Cnut and always will be. People don't change but I do give people heaps of chances even when I know I shouldn't.

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Re: First impressions.

Post by Syl on Sat Feb 25, 2017 12:56 am

magica wrote:If in real life I suss out people very quickly, and if I feel something I back away.  That's not often since I talk to everyone. Embarassed

On line I speak to peeps and for the most part I find them good. I only distrust those who have given me cause to. Most though are nice on the forums I'm on, here and another one, which you know Syl, which I love posting on and have done so for few years now.
Theres something really nice about logging into a forum where you know everyone because you have posted alongside them for years.
I wasn't really thinking of forums when I started the thread, but it's an interesting concept.
Have you ever joined a forum and felt everyone mistrusted you?
Sometimes I think interactive sites bring out the paranoia in some people. Shocked

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Re: First impressions.

Post by Syl on Sat Feb 25, 2017 12:57 am

Tommy Monk wrote:
Syl wrote:So...do you tend to trust or mistrust people till you get to know them better?

Do you like everyone till they prove to you that they are not very nice, or dislike everyone till you get to know them and realise they are OK really?

I think most people fall into one or the other category.

I like everyone till I don't. Cool



Good thread Syl... and could produce some most interesting replies...!


Thanks Tommy, but you didn't answer. Laughing

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Re: First impressions.

Post by Syl on Sat Feb 25, 2017 12:58 am

Ben Reilly wrote:
Syl wrote:So...do you tend to trust or mistrust people till you get to know them better?
Do you like everyone till they prove to you that they are not very nice, or dislike everyone till you get to know them and realise they are OK really?

I think most people fall into one or the other category.

I like everyone till I don't. Cool

I'm the same ... I respect everyone until they lose my respect and am friendly to them as long as they are to me.
Yep...that's me too.
Everyone deserves respect until they don't.

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Re: First impressions.

Post by Syl on Sat Feb 25, 2017 1:03 am

eddie wrote:I don't immediately like everyone because some people are just cnuts from the moment you meet them and even when you tell yourself that you're wrong and you've been harsh, once you allow them in and give them a chance they still end up being cnuts.

Most people have something good in them, despite their political leanings or whatever.

But a cnut is still a Cnut and always will be. People don't change but I do give people heaps of chances even when I know I shouldn't.
If someone starts off being horrible (thankfully people like that are few and far between ime) I don't believe in giving them more than one chance....give them one because anyone can have an off day, but after that I don't want to know.
Obviously I'm not as forgiving as you Eddie. grin angel

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Re: First impressions.

Post by Guest on Sat Feb 25, 2017 1:04 am

Syl wrote:So...do you tend to trust or mistrust people till you get to know them better?
Do you like everyone till they prove to you that they are not very nice, or dislike everyone till you get to know them and realise they are OK really?

I think most people fall into one or the other category.

I like everyone till I don't. Cool


I can tell within minutes of meeting someone whether they are honest or not
You can tell by body language.
There are sometimes many reasons why people do stupid things, hence I can be annoyed at some people when they can let you down, but I always take into consideration all elements that led to the path they choose. I think it would be very wrong to take a view to dislike people until you know them. As you have already placed imaginary barriers up yourself to any form of friendship.
First impressions certainly do count, but then some people come across poorly in these situations because they are nervous for example. Hence why, you need to see past what is being said, but how their body language is. Even then a nervous person can try to please and come across wrong. That does not make them a bad person, just very insecure.

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Re: First impressions.

Post by Syl on Sat Feb 25, 2017 1:11 am

Thorin wrote:
Syl wrote:So...do you tend to trust or mistrust people till you get to know them better?
Do you like everyone till they prove to you that they are not very nice, or dislike everyone till you get to know them and realise they are OK really?

I think most people fall into one or the other category.

I like everyone till I don't. Cool


I can tell within minutes of meeting someone whether they are honest or not
You can tell by body language.
There are sometimes many reasons why people do stupid things, hence I can be annoyed at some people when they can let you down, but I always take into consideration all elements that led to the path they choose. I think it would be very wrong to take a view to dislike people until you know them. As you have already placed imaginary barriers up yourself to any form of friendship.
First impressions certainly do count, but then some people come across poorly in these situations because they are nervous for example. Hence why, you need to see past what is being said, but how their body language is. Even then a nervous person can try to please and come across wrong. That does not make them a bad person, just very insecure.
I think some people do put imaginary barriers up Thor, maybe they are very shy, or they have been hurt, or they are just not interested in making friends, it soon becomes apparent though if a person isn't open to friendship.
First impressions do count, because whether people admit it or not, we all judge others to a certain degree.

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Re: First impressions.

Post by Guest on Sat Feb 25, 2017 1:16 am

Syl wrote:
Thorin wrote:


I can tell within minutes of meeting someone whether they are honest or not
You can tell by body language.
There are sometimes many reasons why people do stupid things, hence I can be annoyed at some people when they can let you down, but I always take into consideration all elements that led to the path they choose. I think it would be very wrong to take a view to dislike people until you know them. As you have already placed imaginary barriers up yourself to any form of friendship.
First impressions certainly do count, but then some people come across poorly in these situations because they are nervous for example. Hence why, you need to see past what is being said, but how their body language is. Even then a nervous person can try to please and come across wrong. That does not make them a bad person, just very insecure.
I think some people do put imaginary barriers up Thor, maybe they are very shy, or they have been hurt, or they are just not interested in making friends, it soon becomes apparent though if a person isn't open to friendship.
First impressions do count, because whether people admit it or not, we all judge others to a certain degree.


What ever barriers a person puts up should never discourage a person from being their friend.
If they are discouraged from doing so. They are saying loud and clear, they cannot handle or want to handle their problems. What does that say about the person who is in fear of these barriers. Being in the way of this friendship?. That they must meet a certain standard?

My best friend is someone I first met and disliked in my teens, because he can be sneaky and dishonest, but I saw through this and saw that he actually is one of the best. I understand his insecurities. You have to give everyone a chance, even when they fuck up.
Sometimes they do things because they are led by emotions and not any reason. Its the ability to recognize this, as to what counts.

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Re: First impressions.

Post by Syl on Sat Feb 25, 2017 1:33 am

Thorin wrote:
Syl wrote:
I think some people do put imaginary barriers up Thor, maybe they are very shy, or they have been hurt, or they are just not interested in making friends, it soon becomes apparent though if a person isn't open to friendship.
First impressions do count, because whether people admit it or not, we all judge others to a certain degree.


What ever barriers a person puts up should never discourage a person from being their friend.
If they are discouraged from doing so. They are saying loud and clear, they cannot handle or want to handle their problems. What does that say about the person who is in fear of these barriers. Being in the way of this friendship?. That they must meet a certain standard?

My best friend is someone I first met and disliked in my teens, because he can be sneaky and dishonest, but I saw through this and saw that he actually is one of the best. I understand his insecurities. You have to give everyone a chance, even when they fuck up.
Sometimes they do things because they are led by emotions and not any reason. Its the ability to recognize this, as to what counts.
I can imagine you would be a very understanding friend in life, you would probably drive a person mad, but I bet you make a very loyal friend. Cool

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Re: First impressions.

Post by Guest on Sat Feb 25, 2017 1:38 am

Syl wrote:
Thorin wrote:


What ever barriers a person puts up should never discourage a person from being their friend.
If they are discouraged from doing so. They are saying loud and clear, they cannot handle or want to handle their problems. What does that say about the person who is in fear of these barriers. Being in the way of this friendship?. That they must meet a certain standard?

My best friend is someone I first met and disliked in my teens, because he can be sneaky and dishonest, but I saw through this and saw that he actually is one of the best. I understand his insecurities. You have to give everyone a chance, even when they fuck up.
Sometimes they do things because they are led by emotions and not any reason. Its the ability to recognize this, as to what counts.
I can imagine you would be a very understanding friend in life, you would probably drive a person mad,  but I bet you make a very loyal friend. Cool


I am told I am too outspoken and honest
People who are real friends, respect the truth when it can hurt
They listen
I am the agony aunt to many people   Razz

Cool

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Re: First impressions.

Post by Syl on Sat Feb 25, 2017 1:46 am

Thorin wrote:
Syl wrote:
I can imagine you would be a very understanding friend in life, you would probably drive a person mad,  but I bet you make a very loyal friend. Cool


I am told I am too outspoken and honest
People who are real friends, respect the truth when it can hurt
They listen
I am the agony aunt to many people   Razz

Cool

Aww, I bet you listen to them too
. I think one of the best traits a friend can have is to listen....and care.
My best friend is a neighbour I met 36 years ago...we clicked then and have been through thick and thin, losses, highs, lows, and we have never had a row.

It's a real compliment to you if people share their troubles with you Thor it shows they really trust you.

Off for the night...sleep well.
x

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Re: First impressions.

Post by Guest on Sat Feb 25, 2017 1:49 am

Syl wrote:
Thorin wrote:


I am told I am too outspoken and honest
People who are real friends, respect the truth when it can hurt
They listen
I am the agony aunt to many people   Razz

Cool

Aww, I bet you listen to them too
. I think one of the best traits a friend can have is to listen....and care.
My best friend is a neighbour I met 36 years ago...we clicked then and have been through thick and thin, losses, highs, lows, and we have never had a row.

It's a real compliment to you if people share their troubles with you Thor it shows they really trust you.

Off for the night...sleep well.
x


Being a good friend is being able to argue with them and not hold a grudge

Is why with get on famously.

All the best Syl

x

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Re: First impressions.

Post by magica on Sat Feb 25, 2017 12:17 pm

I agree with that last line Thor. If you can't argue with a friend then they wasn't your friend to begin with. I'm talking real life here.

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Re: First impressions.

Post by Guest on Sat Feb 25, 2017 12:19 pm

magica wrote:I agree with that last line Thor. If you can't argue with a friend then they wasn't your friend to begin with. I'm talking real life here.


Indeed Magica
Being a true friend is being able to be at our most vulnerable in front of them
That it leads to no barriers between each other

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Re: First impressions.

Post by Syl on Sat Feb 25, 2017 5:06 pm

magica wrote:I agree with that last line Thor. If you can't argue with a friend then they wasn't your friend to begin with. I'm talking real life here.

I agree Mags, though I have never argued with one of my oldest friends, not because we cant....we just don't. Laughing

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Re: First impressions.

Post by Syl on Sat Feb 25, 2017 5:10 pm

Thorin wrote:
magica wrote:I agree with that last line Thor. If you can't argue with a friend then they wasn't your friend to begin with. I'm talking real life here.


Indeed Magica
Being a true friend is being able to be at our most vulnerable in front of them
That it leads to no barriers between each other

100% right.
You know you have a true friend when you can laugh together till your sides are aching, and cry together when one is suffering.

I can count on one hand friends I can be like this with...other people may be casual friends or acquaintances, but true friendship is harder to come by imo.

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Re: First impressions.

Post by Guest on Sat Feb 25, 2017 5:11 pm

Syl wrote:
Thorin wrote:


Indeed Magica
Being a true friend is being able to be at our most vulnerable in front of them
That it leads to no barriers between each other

100% right.
You know you have a true friend when you can laugh together till your sides are aching, and cry together when one is suffering.

I can count on one hand friends I can be like this with...other people may be casual friends or acquaintances, but true friendship is harder to come by imo.


That is why we are becoming great friends.

I know I am can say anything to you and you to me. We can fight, and yet easily move on

Laughing

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Re: First impressions.

Post by Syl on Sat Feb 25, 2017 5:19 pm

Thorin wrote:
Syl wrote:

100% right.
You know you have a true friend when you can laugh together till your sides are aching, and cry together when one is suffering.

I can count on one hand friends I can be like this with...other people may be casual friends or acquaintances, but true friendship is harder to come by imo.


That is why we are becoming great friends.

I know I am can say anything to you and you to me. We can fight, and yet easily move on

Laughing
Lol....that's a nice thing to say though...thank you. x

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Re: First impressions.

Post by Guest on Sat Feb 25, 2017 5:22 pm

Syl wrote:
Thorin wrote:


That is why we are becoming great friends.

I know I am can say anything to you and you to me. We can fight, and yet easily move on

Laughing
Lol....that's a nice thing to say though...thank you. x


cheers

x

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Re: First impressions.

Post by Tommy Monk on Sat Feb 25, 2017 5:51 pm

Syl wrote:
Tommy Monk wrote:



Good thread Syl... and could produce some most interesting replies...!


Thanks Tommy, but you didn't answer. Laughing



No... I didn't answer... because I think it's a bit more complex than how you presented it in the op... and at the time of my post, I didn't have the time/energy to give a fully elaborate/comprehensive answer.

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Re: First impressions.

Post by Syl on Sat Feb 25, 2017 5:56 pm

Tommy Monk wrote:
Syl wrote:
Thanks Tommy, but you didn't answer. Laughing



No... I didn't answer... because I think it's a bit more complex than how you presented it in the op... and at the time of my post, I didn't have the time/energy to give a fully elaborate/comprehensive answer.

OK...I can wait. Laughing

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Re: First impressions.

Post by Tommy Monk on Sat Feb 25, 2017 6:45 pm



"So...do you tend to trust or mistrust people till you get to know them better?

Do you like everyone till they prove to you that they are not very nice, or dislike everyone till you get to know them and realise they are OK really?

I think most people fall into one or the other category.

I like everyone till I don't."



This is far too simplistic and doesn't consider any of the various wide range of situations where you may have an encounter of 'meeting' another person...


You mention trust/mistrust as well as like/dislike in your premise...


These are different things for a start...


And depending on the where/when/how you meet/encounter someone, and the context of it, will have a massive effect on how you consider that person to be trustworthy/untrustworthy or liked/disliked etc...



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Re: First impressions.

Post by Ben Mothafuckin' Reilly on Sat Feb 25, 2017 6:50 pm

Sure, trusting and liking are different things -- they're two different questions, big deal.

I fail to see how meeting someone at the grocery store would be different from meeting them at the bank or the zoo or in a dark alley, for that matter.

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Re: First impressions.

Post by eddie on Sat Feb 25, 2017 6:55 pm

I can take an immediate, negative bodily reaction to someone (if you listen to your body then you'll never be wrong IMO)  - this causes me to mistrust them. I will try to dismiss this just in case I'm wrong. I then set about trying to like them and sometimes I succeed....for a while, then I always end up being right, they'll do something that makes me go "there it is" and I'll know my first reaction to them was right.

There's something to be said in listening to your gut instinct.

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Re: First impressions.

Post by Guest on Sat Feb 25, 2017 7:03 pm

eddie wrote:I can take an immediate bodily reaction to someone (if you listen to your body then you'll never be wrong IMO)  - this causes me to mistrust them. I will try to dismiss this just in case I'm wrong. I then set about trying to like them and sometimes I succeed....for a while, then I always end up being right, they'll do something that makes me go "there it is" and I'll know my first reaction to them was right.

That is a poor way to be to me, as its the perception, that nobody can change Eddie.
It sounds to me you are a harsh judge to people and dont give them many chances.
My best friend constantly lied to me, due to his insecurities, but I never gave up on him The joke is, for years he had women crawling all over him, as he is very good looking. He oozes charm as well, but when in a relationship, he was controlling and insecure. He used to get so worked up being jealous and never needed to be. I love the fact he finally listened to me over the lady who is now his wife. They went out for a year together and broke up after he was on the phone to her on holiday abroad. Have a a go at her for being out late enjoying herself. He was so insecure he thought she would be out with men. I have known this lady for years, she is like a sister. It took this break up and me being able to get through to him, where he was going wrong. 2 Years later they met at a wedding and got back together. Now married with two kids and he is a mountain of strength for many people, as he in the end listened and learned.

He never lets me forget, how it was me that helped change him for the better.

I never give up hope on anyone

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Re: First impressions.

Post by eddie on Sat Feb 25, 2017 7:10 pm

I can't help it if I turn turn out to be right.
A relationship of lies is not a relationship - whether that's friends or coworkers or whatever.

Good for you that you allow toxic people to keep on being in your life - I won't anymore. Toxic people aren't a positive energy for your life and they stop you moving forward and growing.

I won't turn my back on a friend in trouble, but if they continually lie to me then I refuse any more help.
You can't help or trust a liar.

Btw this isn't up for debate with me; I've lived too long with my own knowledge of people and wasted too much time on lumps of shit with human faces to be ever fooled into thinking that you can mould them in to anything resembling a decent human.

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Re: First impressions.

Post by Guest on Sat Feb 25, 2017 7:15 pm

eddie wrote:I can't help it if I turn turn out to be right.
A relationship of lies is not a relationship - whether that's friends or coworkers or whatever.

Good for you that you allow toxic people to keep on being in your life - I won't anymore. Toxic people aren't a positive energy for your life and they stop you moving forward and growing.

I won't turn my back on a friend in trouble, but if they continually lie to me then I refuse any more help.
You can't help or trust a liar.

Btw this isn't up for debate with me; I've lived too long with my own knowledge of people and wasted too much time on lumps of shit with human faces to be ever fooled into thinking that you can mould them in to anything resembling a decent human.


You miss the point
He was never toxic Eddie, he allowed negative emotions to rule him.
I showed him the path to being positive.
He now never lies or has been insecure ever since.
He is a loving husband and father.
His family are like a second family to me.
I am so proud of him, from what he used to be, because I saw deep inside what a great person he could be.
Now he has become that
Sorry Eddie, you sound in conflict at the moment and I bet some people close have let you down badly. Sorry about that, but I have faith in you also. You are just going through a rough patch, which I have every faith you will get through.

Keep the faith and dont lose heart and hope. You are a shinning star to many of your friends.

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Re: First impressions.

Post by eddie on Sat Feb 25, 2017 7:29 pm

Yes didge. My point is, some people don't change and I don't wish to spend my life changing them and propping them up. It's a waste of my life.
Some people will never listen either, no matter how well-meaning and patient we are as "helpers".  

Ultimately, people have to find their own path and their own ways in life. It's all part of each person's journey.

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Re: First impressions.

Post by Guest on Sat Feb 25, 2017 7:31 pm

eddie wrote:Yes didge. My point is, some people don't change and I don't wish to spend my life changing them and propping them up. It's a waste of my life.
Some people will never listen either, no matter how well-meaning and patient we are as "helpers".  

Ultimately, people have to find their own path and their own ways in life. It's all part of each person's journey.



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Re: First impressions.

Post by eddie on Sat Feb 25, 2017 8:07 pm

Thank you didge but this is my journey and ultimately the only real way to learn and grow, is to journey alone.

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Re: First impressions.

Post by Bella on Sat Feb 25, 2017 8:28 pm

I think we all change and hopefully get wiser the older we get.

Strangely one of my best friends now is my husbands ex, (my stepsons Mum) we work together, go on holidays and for a drink or two. Smile
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Re: First impressions.

Post by Syl on Sun Feb 26, 2017 1:06 pm

Bella wrote:I think we all change and hopefully get wiser the older we get.

Strangely one of my best friends now is my husbands ex, (my stepsons Mum) we work together, go on holidays and for a drink or two. Smile

I don't understand why a lot of people seem to hold a strong dislike for the ex partners of the person they love or did love.
Probably insecurity, even jealousy, its great that you can see her as a friend instead of a rival.

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Re: First impressions.

Post by Bella on Sun Feb 26, 2017 6:29 pm

Syl wrote:
Bella wrote:I think we all change and hopefully get wiser the older we get.

Strangely one of my best friends now is my husbands ex, (my stepsons Mum) we work together, go on holidays and for a drink or two. Smile

I don't understand why a lot of people seem to hold a strong dislike for the ex partners of the person they love or did love.
Probably insecurity, even jealousy, its great that you can see her as a friend instead of a rival.

Me either, we all went out Sunday lunch today
I look after her beautiful grandchild who has downs syndrome who we all love and probably has brought us all closer together They are extended family now, I want that for my son and stepson, no animosity etc.
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Re: First impressions.

Post by Syl on Sun Feb 26, 2017 8:03 pm

Bella wrote:
Syl wrote:

I don't understand why a lot of people seem to hold a strong dislike for the ex partners of the person they love or did love.
Probably insecurity, even jealousy, its great that you can see her as a friend instead of a rival.

Me either, we all went out Sunday lunch today
I look after her beautiful grandchild who has downs syndrome who we all love and probably has brought us all closer together They are extended family now, I want that for my son and stepson, no animosity etc.

Extended families are one of the bonus's of people not staying together. Laughing
Oddly enough we were talking to our grandson, who is not our grandson biologically, but our biological grandsons half brother today. He was counting up how many granddads and nanas he had....I think it was 4 of each. Laughing

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Re: First impressions.

Post by Syl on Sun Feb 26, 2017 8:10 pm

Tommy Monk wrote:

"So...do you tend to trust or mistrust people till you get to know them better?

Do you like everyone till they prove to you that they are not very nice, or dislike everyone till you get to know them and realise they are OK really?

I think most people fall into one or the other category.

I like everyone till I don't."



This is far too simplistic and doesn't consider any of the various wide range of situations where you may have an encounter of 'meeting' another person...


You mention trust/mistrust as well as like/dislike in your premise...


These are different things for a start...


And depending on the where/when/how you meet/encounter someone, and the context of it, will have a massive effect on how you consider that person to be trustworthy/untrustworthy or liked/disliked etc...



It is simplistic, but you get the drift. Laughing

I know we can like someone and not trust them....or trust someone yet not really like them, but I was thinking more of instinctive feelings, when we first meet someone new.
I think people are programmed to either like people..(a people person) or feel wary of them (probably an introvert) at first meeting.

I am going to guess and say you are more wary of people till you get to know them.

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Re: First impressions.

Post by Syl on Sun Feb 26, 2017 8:15 pm

eddie wrote:I can't help it if I turn turn out to be right.
A relationship of lies is not a relationship - whether that's friends or coworkers or whatever.

Good for you that you allow toxic people to keep on being in your life - I won't anymore. Toxic people aren't a positive energy for your life and they stop you moving forward and growing.

I won't turn my back on a friend in trouble, but if they continually lie to me then I refuse any more help.
You can't help or trust a liar.

Btw this isn't up for debate with me; I've lived too long with my own knowledge of people and wasted too much time on lumps of shit with human faces to be ever fooled into thinking that you can mould them in to anything resembling a decent human.

Amazing that someone can give you a red for answering a question honestly. Rolling Eyes

I agree that some people are toxic to have around, people who when they leave, leave you feeling a damn site worse than when you first met, be it for a coffee or in a relationship.
Maybe they wont be toxic to everyone, but if they are to you, what's the point of prolonging the agony?

Plus sometimes friendships just run their course....sad when that happens, but people can change and grow apart.

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Re: First impressions.

Post by Tommy Monk on Sun Feb 26, 2017 8:41 pm

eddie wrote:I can't help it if I turn turn out to be right.
A relationship of lies is not a relationship - whether that's friends or coworkers or whatever.

Good for you that you allow toxic people to keep on being in your life - I won't anymore. Toxic people aren't a positive energy for your life and they stop you moving forward and growing.

I won't turn my back on a friend in trouble, but if they continually lie to me then I refuse any more help.
You can't help or trust a liar.

Btw this isn't up for debate with me; I've lived too long with my own knowledge of people and wasted too much time on lumps of shit with human faces to be ever fooled into thinking that you can mould them in to anything resembling a decent human.



"...In my life
Why do I give valuable time
To people who don't care if I live or die...

...In my life
Why do I smile
At people who I'd much rather kick in the eye..."

The smiths - Heaven knows I'm miserable now


https://youtu.be/TjPhzgxe3L0


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Re: First impressions.

Post by Tommy Monk on Sun Feb 26, 2017 9:46 pm

Syl wrote:
Tommy Monk wrote:

"So...do you tend to trust or mistrust people till you get to know them better?

Do you like everyone till they prove to you that they are not very nice, or dislike everyone till you get to know them and realise they are OK really?

I think most people fall into one or the other category.

I like everyone till I don't."



This is far too simplistic and doesn't consider any of the various wide range of situations where you may have an encounter of 'meeting' another person...


You mention trust/mistrust as well as like/dislike in your premise...


These are different things for a start...


And depending on the where/when/how you meet/encounter someone, and the context of it, will have a massive effect on how you consider that person to be trustworthy/untrustworthy or liked/disliked etc...



It is simplistic, but you get the drift. Laughing

I know we can like someone and not trust them....or trust someone yet not really like them, but I was thinking more of instinctive feelings, when we first meet someone new.
I think people are programmed to either like people..(a people person) or feel wary of them (probably an introvert) at first meeting.

I am going to guess and say you are more wary of people till you get to know them.


Yes of course I get the general drift...

And you make one of the points I was thinking of about maybe not trusting someone who you may like while trusting another who you may not like...

Also I would think of someone who was a bit quiet and appeared to be a bit of an introvert more as being just a bit shy round new people, and/or lacking in confidence, or overly self conscious etc, rather than being an indicator of their dislike/distrust of others...

I think that could just be down to nervousness and driven by the inner desire to actually be liked and accepted, and a fear of maybe saying/doing the 'wrong' thing around people who they like and want to be liked by.


I am no introvert... although I can be quiet around some people and at some times...

In fact... if anything, I am more of an extrovert... I have no problem talking to people (who I know/don't know or have just met) in any social situation...


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Re: First impressions.

Post by nicko on Sun Feb 26, 2017 10:20 pm

I'D like to meet that little twat Veya, MY first impression would be unprintable.

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Re: First impressions.

Post by Original Quill on Sun Feb 26, 2017 10:27 pm

magica wrote:If in real life I suss out people very quickly, and if I feel something I back away.  That's not often since I talk to everyone. Embarassed

Good answer. Different people have different levels of awareness about people. I, too, have excellent intuition, and some in my family recognize this a come to depend.

I have also watched others 'turn on' to the wrong traits in people, and end up losing lots of money, or good friendships, or otherwise be disappointed.

I have a SIL who is dumb, dumb, dumb about people, and even tho she has an MBA, she makes silly decisions about where she puts her money. I don't know what script she is reading, but...

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Re: First impressions.

Post by HoratioTarr on Sun Feb 26, 2017 10:28 pm

nicko wrote:I'D like to meet that little twat Veya,   MY first impression would be unprintable.


What would you do if he was terribly polite and sweet mannered?
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Re: First impressions.

Post by Syl on Mon Feb 27, 2017 12:21 am

Tommy Monk wrote:
Syl wrote:

It is simplistic, but you get the drift. Laughing

I know we can like someone and not trust them....or trust someone yet not really like them, but I was thinking more of instinctive feelings, when we first meet someone new.
I think people are programmed to either like people..(a people person) or feel wary of them (probably an introvert) at first meeting.

I am going to guess and say you are more wary of people till you get to know them.


Yes of course I get the general drift...

And you make one of the points I was thinking of about maybe not trusting someone who you may like while trusting another who you may not like...

Also I would think of someone who was a bit quiet and appeared to be a bit of an introvert more as being just a bit shy round new people, and/or lacking in confidence, or overly self conscious etc, rather than being an indicator of their dislike/distrust of others...

I think that could just be down to nervousness and driven by the inner desire to actually be liked and accepted, and a fear of maybe saying/doing the 'wrong' thing around people who they like and want to be liked by.


I am no introvert... although I can be quiet around some people and at some times...

In fact... if anything, I am more of an extrovert... I have no problem talking to people (who I know/don't know or have just met) in any social situation...


I am always drawn to quiet shy people, i suppose because I am the same deep down till I get to know people.
It's hard to put your finger on who you are drawn to on first impression, probably people who you sense are just being themselves and not trying to hard to be liked....that's a bit off putting.

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Re: First impressions.

Post by nicko on Mon Feb 27, 2017 6:40 am

H/T, due to an extreme inferiority complex he could never be like that.
He really wants to be British, as he can't, it's just eating him up !
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Re: First impressions.

Post by eddie on Mon Feb 27, 2017 5:28 pm

Syl wrote:
eddie wrote:I can't help it if I turn turn out to be right.
A relationship of lies is not a relationship - whether that's friends or coworkers or whatever.

Good for you that you allow toxic people to keep on being in your life - I won't anymore. Toxic people aren't a positive energy for your life and they stop you moving forward and growing.

I won't turn my back on a friend in trouble, but if they continually lie to me then I refuse any more help.
You can't help or trust a liar.

Btw this isn't up for debate with me; I've lived too long with my own knowledge of people and wasted too much time on lumps of shit with human faces to be ever fooled into thinking that you can mould them in to anything resembling a decent human.

Amazing that someone can give you a red for answering a question honestly. Rolling Eyes

I agree that some people are toxic to have around, people who when they leave, leave you feeling a damn site worse than when you first met, be it for a coffee or in a relationship.
Maybe they wont be toxic to everyone, but if they are to you, what's the point of prolonging the agony?

Plus sometimes friendships just run their course....sad when that happens, but people can change and grow apart.


Perhaps the red was given out of paranoia? Who cares.

I always think, when a toxic person leaves a room, you can actually see everyone visibly relax, and they don't even always know why.

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Re: First impressions.

Post by eddie on Mon Feb 27, 2017 5:28 pm

Tommy Monk wrote:
eddie wrote:I can't help it if I turn turn out to be right.
A relationship of lies is not a relationship - whether that's friends or coworkers or whatever.

Good for you that you allow toxic people to keep on being in your life - I won't anymore. Toxic people aren't a positive energy for your life and they stop you moving forward and growing.

I won't turn my back on a friend in trouble, but if they continually lie to me then I refuse any more help.
You can't help or trust a liar.

Btw this isn't up for debate with me; I've lived too long with my own knowledge of people and wasted too much time on lumps of shit with human faces to be ever fooled into thinking that you can mould them in to anything resembling a decent human.



"...In my life
Why do I give valuable time
To people who don't care if I live or die...

...In my life
Why do I smile
At people who I'd much rather kick in the eye..."

The smiths - Heaven knows I'm miserable now


https://youtu.be/TjPhzgxe3L0



Good song choice!

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